Reixxie

You can find me at Caelis-Moonveil 

I needed a change of pace, so I swapped over to that account if you'd like to follow me over. ♥
I haven't been doing much drawing for myself, so it's mostly adopts, but hey. Gotta get back in the habit one way or another.
This account has pretty well been abandoned, I just check in to make sure it hasn't exploded

I planned to wait to do this til I got more in the habit of checking dA again, but my hand was forced a little bit what with the LiEat portraits we did.

BUT
I am trying to get more in the habit of checking dA regularly again. I've been drawing, but none of it ever gets finished. Eventually, I want to get back into posting, I just haven't had it in me as of late.

As for why I fell out of checking dA and drawing both for awhile, anything I did draw, I was way too anxious about posting and potentially interacting with others. Which is stupid for me, honestly. I think I just got to where I hated everything I did without consciously acknowledging it.
I started going to therapy recently, to tackle my problems with anxiety and depression. So, I'm hoping to get back into doing what I love again.

The big thing that kept me away for so long though..
I lost my uncle March of last year to suicide. He was my best friend, and I have not been dealing with it well at all. No one in my family has. It's been really rough, and we're just trying to get through the days at this point.

I feel like there's more I should say about this, but I have no idea what, really.
I guess if you have any questions or would like to talk, send me a note. About anything at all.
Though I'm still awkward and worse than ever at interacting, but I'm still here to talk to, if anyone needs someone.

I got my computer back recently.

NOT THAT ANYONE KNEW I WAS WITHOUT IT.
My motherboard blew out and took my processor with it, so it was an ordeal to get it back up and running for a long while there, and then it's been a continued ordeal cause it's been running way too hot. I installed a new fan, so it's a bit better, but still hotter than it should be and I still don't know why.
I just got done with finals, so that's out of my hair too.
Everything should be done and fine for awhile. The only big thing is my usual trip to California. Which limits me some, but not as much anymore thanks to my iPad+Apple Pencil combo now. And since April-Cakes and Vowkronos are ENTIRELY TOO SWEET FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, I have Procreate to work in now too. So I'm not even limited on my iPad by the apps available to me. Cause let me tell you, Procreate is a joy to work in.
I'm creeping up on finishing a full piece of my main Starbound character and I can't wait to show it off, I'm so proud of it so far qq
I've also really taken to Amaziograph? So maybe I'll post some of the things I've made in that, since I'm super proud of a few of them.

For those who have been worrying over my position with a couple species things, I AM WORKING ON THEM!! I promise omg, I feel like such a buttguy. I just can't pin down certain lore things and it's been really really frustrating, and since I'm.. honestly just the worst, really. But since I work so linearly, I just can't seem to move past it to work on other things for them. It's horrible, I know, and I'm so sorry for looking like I just straight gave up, I really haven't. I'm just bad at.. Existing. I dunno, it's hard to formulate for me, I just. Words are hard. ;A;

Hm. Finding really snazzy page resources when you don't have core..
Don't plan to get core again..
Don't have the money/points for core..

Suddenly I just really want core back. qq
But WHY?? Why want it, why get it, why have it? I love to customize things, but it's so expensive now and it's not like I'm hurting without it. The only thing I fully lost and actually needed/wanted for a reason was polls. Beyond that it was only customization. For the price of 3 months of "Oh look, this is pretty" I can buy a month of time for the game that's keeping me from losing my mind.
But at the same time, I really did enjoy working with the html and making it look how I wanted. Maybe I'm looking at it wrong? Maybe my priorities are skewed?

If I go out of my way to get Core again and maintain it, would it motivate me to actually get on dA more again? I'm not really sure, that's part of why I've been so heavily into WoW, I keep making the gold and shelling it out for game time, so I feel obligated to play it more so it's not wasted. But it's interactive and has been a huge escape for me since I've been under an obscene amount of stress.
It's also just... "Easy," where dA isn't. Art is hard work and takes effort. A video game isn't. Or... Not in the same way. I can do things by clicking a button. Click the buttons in the right order? You win! Or. Well. Sometimes, I won't talk like there's no skill involved, there definitely is.

Maybe it's that I find it easier to get discouraged and end up more disappointed in my art. Or that the social aspect on dA is way more prevalent and on WoW I can go without speaking to another player at all. I've been having a really really hard time talking to people lately, it just takes so much out of me. Even online. I feel awful, I've been letting comments and notes go unanswered or just unanswered for a long time and stuff. And it's not like "Oh, I don't want to talk to this person" or that they did or said something weird or wrong or anything. So if I haven't replied to something you've said, please please please don't think that! It's entirely me, I promise you. My own ineptitude. I just find it so hard to think of what to say, to literally anyone. Even messages to SonicFanatic9 or April-Cakes are just variations of "//fart noises" "Moo" "Ye" "Kk" and "I'm so tired/I feel so awful". I never have anything good to say anymore. Nothing with substance or value. It's like I've been coasting socially and I don't know what happened.

And that's part of why I haven't been on dA much. Posting things means possible comments. Comments mean replies. Replies I don't feel like I have. But I want to reply, and I feel so guilty if I don't. Cause that person took the time to say something about my art or to me or whatever, they deserve a response. But I want to get back into the swing of things, to stop coasting. To stop avoiding dA and my inbox. It's not like I just haven't been drawing, far from it.

I'm just not sure if Core would be enough of a driving force to make me feel obligated to come back on dA more. Or if it's worth the money for what it offers or if I'm invested in the html and customization enough (or as much as I remember) to make it worthwhile for me personally.


TL;DR:
Not sure if Core is worth money
Not sure if Core will make me more active
Weh, I'm socially inept why can't I talk to people
I'm so so sorry if you think I'm ignoring you, I'm not, I'm just socially damaged

A lot has been happening lately

As a kinda... I dunno, index of sorts:

1. Classes restarted
   
2. I've picked up D&D with my boyfriend and a few friends
   
3. WoW dropped Legion and I have many feels
   
4. A friend passed recently, it's been rough on LeoxLinx April-Cakes and I
5. My grandmother is in the hospital
   

1. Classes started the end of last month. I was out for about a year and a half to deal with my anxiety problems and adjust to my medication and everything, and after all the delays, I'm back at it. I signed up for 4 psychology courses (Educational Psychology, Human Lifespan, History of Psychology and Biological Foundations of Behavior) and am remarkably close to having my bachelor's degree. I'm actually classified as a senior now, though it was a fiasco trying to get things sorted out with my university. Had to reapply and go through way too many hoops to get registered and into online classes since I live a good bit away from any of their campuses and don't have my license yet.

2. I've been so mentally, emotionally and socially exhausted from playing D&D weekly. No lie, I'm not even completely sure why it takes as much out of me as it does since I'm friends with everyone playing, but the 4-5 hours of being social is really doing a number on me, apparently. Two different campaigns that swap out so our GMs have time to write for them on off weeks and such. One GMed by SonicFanatic9 and the other by a friend of ours. April-Cakes plays in both and her husband in one as well. It's a lot of fun, considering it's my first time playing and I feel like a lost idiot half the time. I have a tiefling warlock and a snow elf ranger. uwu They are both my precious children, and I have taken to sketching them a lot, but I'm having a hard time getting anything polished done to post.

3. //awkward weeping
I just. Legion. I can't help it, I've been on WoW a lot lately. I've just been wrapped up in the story and having so much fun with my Demon Hunters, Druid and Death Knight. Especially my Druid, I don't even know what happened. I used to be a feral only player, at the end of WoD I swapped to Boomie for awhile to try it and as soon as Legion launched and the change to Boomie hit.. I couldn't play it anymore and went back to feral. And somehow I started healing on her a lot? I'm not sure when or why it happened, honestly, but I'm having such a blast as a resto Druid, it's crazy.

4. A friend April-Cakes, LeoxLinx and I made on WoW passed away. He lived in Australia, so we were lucky to even find out it happened, we don't know how it happened though. It hit all three of us hard, we were pretty good friends with him. We would stay up entirely too late to play together and hang out, chatting about Pokemon GO and WoW stuff, he'd help us, we'd try to help him (but his characters were always way better geared). It's not been a happy time, all three of us keep remembering little things and just... Falling apart cause.. We can't play Diablo with Toast anymore. Can't help him get Invincible. Can't finish Throne of Thunder with him. Just little things we all did and won't get to anymore. He was going to teach us how to play a Rogue (or, April and I at least, Leo has a Rogue already?). All three of us made a character with toast in their name as a "Toast Army" to make him laugh one day, all Rogues, and now I'm going to make sure Detoastable hits level cap before I work on any of my other sub100s in his honor.

5. My grandma had to go in for surgery to remove scar tissue from her abdomen about... August 30th? It's been a rollercoaster since then. She's doing fine, it's just been a bunch of little things keeping her in, right now they're keeping her so a blockage will clear up, she's been on TPN and not allowed to eat or drink anything for awhile since anything she put in her stomach she would throw up later. She was taken off of it recently though and allowed food again, but that was fairly short lived, she was put back on clear liquids again. It seems like every time we think she's coming home, we get news that the blockage hasn't cleared or her diet is being changed again or something and she has to stay longer. They're saying maybe next Tuesday I think, but they also were talking about last weekend, so who knows at this point.



I know I keep saying "I'M ALIVE" "I'M COMING BACK SOON" "I'LL BE DRAWING MORE SOON" and then just not
I feel really bad about it, but it's every time I start to pour myself back into art and working on things, something comes up and I just can't bring myself to :c